The Jerseyite Grandmother
Advocates should never ask a Jerseyite grandmother a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Jerseyite small-town prosecuting advocate called his first witness, a grandmother, old woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Reece, do you know me?”
Mrs. Reece responded, “Of course I know you, Mr. Wang. I’ve known you since you were a young kid, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I absolutely know you.”
The advocate was shocked! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Reece, do you know the defense advocate?”
The old lady again replied, “Of course I know Mr. Anderson since he was a teenager, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with four different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”
The defense advocate Mr. Anderson almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, “If either of you imbeciles asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you to the electric chair.