The Powells had no kids and they decided to use a proxy father to start their extended family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Powell kissed Mrs.Powell and said, “I’m going to the cinema.The man should be here soon.” About an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer knocked the door,hoping to make a sale.
“Good morning ma’am. You don’t know me but I’ve come to…”
“Oh, no need to explain. I’ve been waiting for you,” Mrs.Powell cut in.
“Really?” the photographer asked. “Well, great! I’ve made a specialty of babies.”
“That’s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Just where do we start?” asked Mrs. Powell, blushing.
“Leave the matter to me.I usually work in the bathtub,on the couch and perhaps on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out.”
“Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn’t work for Harry and me.”
“Well, ma’am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from eight or nine angles, I’m sure you’ll be satisfied with the results.”
“I hope we can get this over with quickly,” gasped Mrs.Powell.
“Ma’am,in my line of work, a man must take his time. I’d love to be in and out in five minutes, but you’d be disappointed with that, I’m sure.”
“Don’t I know !!”, Mrs.Powell exclaimed.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a file of his baby pictures.“This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London.”
“Jesus Christ!”, Mrs.Powell moaned.
“And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.” The photographer handed Mrs.Powell the picture.
“She was difficult ?” asked Mrs.Powell.
“Yes,I’m afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look.”
“Four and five deep?” asked Mrs.Powell,her eyes opened in amazement.
“Yes,” the photographer said. “And for more than four hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling.Being concentration was too hard. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in.”
Mrs.Powell leaned forward. “You mean they actually chewed on your, ah … equipment ?”
“That’s right. Well ma’am, if you’re ready, I’ll set up my tripod so that we can get to work.”
“Tripod?”, Mrs.Powell looked unbelievably worried now.
“Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It’s much too big for me to hold while I’m getting ready for action. Ma’am?Ma’am?My God,she’s fainted!”